Daily Laughs for Teachers

Oh yes, it’s back. 

This morning, I turned on the morning announcements, and the beats to the instrumental  version of “Beat that P**s* Up” filled the room.

This time, aside from a few kids laughing, one student started clapping with it and shouted “I beat it up, up, up, up, up” in the same rhythm as the rapper. 

I could have yelled at her; I could have told her to keep it quiet; but if it’s on the morning announcements, why shouldn’t she be able to sing a cleaner version of it? 

It’s the end of the year, folks. That time when we begin to lose the energy to discipline our own students, especially when faculty seem to be partially responsible for some of these issues. 

So instead, we clap along with them, have a good laugh, and move on with our day. 

If you could add a new course to the curriculum that would better prepare you for after graduation, what would that course be?

“I think there should be classes of specific jobs, like if you want to be a nurse, you should do nursery classes.” 

(via email) “If you have any missed placed textbooks, please turn them in to my office.”

I often do an activity where students work in groups to create a story. It’s a great way to get them involved in writing, and they always have a good time while completing it. HOWEVER, I always let them know that I will be collecting these assignments, so while the topic can be creative and silly, the content needs to remain appropriate for a high school audience.

I start the class with my usual instructions:

“Remember, you have five minutes to begin the story. When time is up, you will pass your paper to the group member on your right. Then you will have five minutes to continue that person’s story… so on and so forth, until everyone has contributed to one story.”

They have participated in this before, so they eagerly place their pens to paper, and when I say, “Go!”, their papers are filled with creative and sometimes outrageous introductions.

We complete the four rounds, and I let students know that they are to return the stories to the original authors, and it’s time to share what we have come up with.

As one student raises his hand, I hesitate to call on him because his group consists of class clowns, but I give him the benefit of the doubt.

He begins reading, and he reaches a line that says:

“I told him I know what can take your mind off of it, and said lets go to a gentlemen’s club.”

At that point, I yell at him and at the student who wrote such a stupid statement on a class assignment, and I collect all of their stories.

I email the student’s mother (not the reader, but the student who wrote it), and let her know what just took place, and that he will be receiving a zero.

As any concerned parent would, she responds within the hour and asks me to please reconsider because her son told her it wasn’t him - it was another group member. And her son insisted that since it was a group assignment, I have no way of knowing who wrote about going to a strip club. 

And I offer a short ‘reply’ email: “He wrote his name next to the paragraph where he talked about going to a strip club.”

The student came by this afternoon to apologize.

If only that stood for Burger King…

I cannot take credit for this, as this did not occur in my classroom, but I just HAD to share… It’s one of those “Kids say the darnedest things” moments, only much funnier.

There is this teen on campus who is an avid film critic, and he is known for not holding back by any means. In a composition class, the teacher was asking students to practice reviewing movies. She asked the students to share their opinions on particular films, and then she asked them to write a critique as one would find in a magazine or on-line.

This boy, who knows anything and everything about films, has probably seen every movie ever made, and loves to talk about films, raises his hand, and the conversation went something like this:

Teacher: Let’s pick a popular movie to discuss. What did you guys think about “Twilight- New Moon”?

Girl: It was so awesome! OMG I can’t wait to see it again! I already saw it twice this weekend.

Girls continue to chatter and giggle about scenes in the movie.

Boy interrupts, obviously perturbed by the positive critiques of the film. 

Boy: Are you JOKING? That movie sucked!

Teacher: Now (name), calm down. Why did you not like the movie?

Boy: Hello! Are you serious? It was a total BONER KILLER!

I’m sure the discussion didn’t last much longer after that deep insight, but it was definitely worth sharing.

G.K. Chesterson

poster-street

A student is writing about a trip to New York that she had taken a few years back.

She pauses for a moment, then turns to me and asks, “Miss, what’s the name of that big green lady? You know, the one that people can see from far away?”

Me: “Could you be referring to the Statue of Liberty?”

Student: “Ah…yes…that one.”

As I start my blogging venture, I have shared this with a few friends and gotten some good feedback which prompted me to write this post. Please do not misunderstand the purpose of this blog. I love my job. I love the subjects I teach, and I know my students enjoy working with me. But the fact of the matter is there is a lot of pressure on teachers to be practically perfect. If we don’t smile all day and maintain absolute strict discipline at all hours, we are criticized and even insulted sometimes by parents or administration. And I am not referring only to where I work- this, I feel, applies to all schools.
Some people blog for a living and some for fun. I choose to blog for fun; it’s just a way to poke fun at the things we experience every day that no other profession in the world would experience. Never would I write names of any person or place here. Notice I don’t even include my own. It isn’t about disrespecting anyone - it’s just a forum to vent/share/laugh/complain and move on with our day.
And, hey, freedom of speech exists for a reason, right?
Happy blogging!

Every morning, students and faculty are awaked to the sounds and sights of the morning announcement videos. The Pledge is read over the P.A., and shortly after, the media students’ video is projected in every classroom for our enjoyment. 

It is important to understand the logistics of this media club before continuing…

This is a primarily student-run organization, so they have quite a bit of creative freedom in terms of background music, location of shots, length of announcements, quality of reporting…is there anything left? So basically the moderator takes a quick peek at the video before exclaiming, “Excellent work” and sending off the video link to every classroom. Background music begins as the date and school motto are displayed, and then the staff begin their announcements. 

This morning, I had the pleasure of pushing “play” and listening to the beats of a fairly popular song out on the radio now. The song is called “Up” - short for “Beat the P**sy Up”. Classy, right? Even the song title has to be shortened on the radio and Internet because it is so vulgar, but it makes perfect sense to play the instrumental version on the morning announcements at a high school (did I mention we are a religious institution?).

Just for your information, in case you haven’t heard this song, here are the opening lines:

“I beat the p**sy up…   (5x)
Yeah I eat it, but I much rather beat it.
D**k your girl down cus I know she really need it.”

Thanks, LoveRance, for the lyrics - the world would be so empty without this timeless piece.

But I digress…

So as the beats begin, I turn and face a sea of shocked expressions. Silence fills the room as the announcements begin, and I can actually feel the tension. 

I say, “Well then, this is a…hm…huh…an interesting song choice.” They laugh, fully understanding at that moment the inappropriateness of the song. 

One student says, “At least it’s the instrumental version.”

The boy next to him responds, “Dude, we’re all singing the lyrics in our heads right now. This is just wrong.” 

And for the rest of the day, I will have this song in my head.

Thanks, media team. Hopefully tomorrow’s announcements will feature a song from the Disney channel to make up for the torment in my head.